Standing up

I am writing this to let out some feelings I'm holding inside right now. This last weekend was Thanksgiving of course and I had cousins from Las Vegas come up for like three or four days. It was so much fun. We went on two hikes and played lots of games, put a puzzle together, and watched A LOT of football. Sounds like a great weekend? Well I was in pain the entire time....not physical but emotional. I have been for awhile. My parents don't approve of my girlfriend Samm only because she isn't LDS. It hurts me so much that they don't see how amazing she really is. They blame her for a lot of things that are my decision like not going on a Mormon Mission. They don't see how the LDS church does not make me happy and that I don't believe it is the right church.

So tying this back to this weekend, I had been with my cousins for three days straight and I needed a break and wanted to see Samm and go on a little date with her. So I told my parents that I was going to dinner and a movie with Samm instead of going to a movie with all the cousins and she made a very rude remark about my girlfriend. I have had a hard time standing up to my parents and I admit I have always been a little scared of them, but after she said that I couldn't take it any more. My parents had left so I sent a text to my mom saying to stop bullying Samm and to treat her as a daughter. Next thing you know I'm in a very heated fight with my mom and it was ruining my night so I told her I would text her later. Then when I went to dinner with Samm we talked and decided that we should let each other have some space the next few weeks so we can study for finals and stuff. So we would send a good morning text then text or call later that day after school and work and whatever.
Well yesterday was the first day without talking all day. Good morning text and then we texted later that night. I was dying all day, it was very hard on me because I didn't have a very good day and I didn't have anyone to talk to and just let it all out. I didn't want to bother her so I just kept it inside. I know this whole thing sounds a little pathetic but when you finally find the one you love, your perfect match, you don't want to let go.....you are always in constant worry if they are okay, if they are safe, how their classes are going. It is even harder when that one you love lives and hour away and you can't be there to comfort them if they get hurt or go through something traumatic. So I'm hurt that she is far away and I'm hurt at home. So I am having a hard time feeling loved right now. I'm having a hard time with life and getting through things. But I look to the future when I see myself up with her next fall at SUU. All I have to do is make it to next summer/fall. Hopefully I can make it till then...